Why Effectiveness Fails Long Before Skill or Intention
Many people who struggle in their work, relationships, or responsibilities are not failing because they lack intelligence, training, or good intentions.
They are failing because their inner life has become at best cluttered and at worst an unsafe place to live.
This is as true for parents and partners as it is for teachers, leaders, and professionals. Responsibility—of any kind—places pressure on the inner self. And pressure does not create disorder; it reveals it.
As we explored in the previous post, the self is the first organization. When that inner organization is unexamined, undisciplined, or unmanaged, no amount of external self-help, training or professional development – by itself – can compensate for it.
Good Intentions Are Not Enough
Over the years, I have worked with many people who were exhausted, anxious, reactive, or ineffective, not because they were careless or malicious, but because they were overwhelmed from the inside out.
They cared deeply.
They tried hard.
They wanted to do well.
But their inner life was in disarray.
When the inner self is crowded with fear, rumination, craving, anger, or despair, showing up—at home or at work—further diminishes energy for personal and public effectiveness. Energy is spent managing internal chaos before any attention can be given to outward performance.
In these conditions, people often adopt coping strategies to survive.
One of the most socially rewarded coping strategies is looking busy or high achievement.
Looking Busy as Compensation
When inner stability is weak, outward “busyness” often increases.
People learn to:
- project enthusiasm when they feel depleted,
- offer reassurance when they feel uncertain,
- stay busy to avoid stillness or feel productive,
- stay busy on what appears to be “important” tasks,
- complain to others of the frantic pace they keep,
- speak confidently to mask fear.
In public roles, this can look like charisma or high achievement.
In private life, it can look like constant doing, “a real go-getter!”
Neither is inherently wrong.
The problem arises when performance/activity becomes a substitute for inner health rather than an expression of it.
Over time, this kind of compensation is exhausting. And it cannot be sustained. Over time, the activity/achievement level solidifies into what I call habit energy – the momentum that makes certain reactions/behaviors feel automatic, even when we no longer consciously choose them.
The Inner Source of Agency
Viktor Frankl reminded us that between what happens to us (stimuli) and how we respond, there is a space (a space of time) – and within that space lies our freedom to choose.
What is often missed is this:
The health of the inner self determines whether that space is accessible at all.
When the inner life is disordered, the space collapses. Reaction replaces response. Habit replaces judgment. Energy is diffused rather than directed.
People say things like:
- “I had no choice.”
- “That’s just how I am.”
- “I was pushed too far.”
- “I couldn’t help it.”
These statements describe pressure—but they also signal that the inner self is no longer governing well.
What Feeds the Inner Life
The health of the inner self is not accidental. It is shaped—daily—by what stimuli or influences we allow in. By stimuli, I simply mean what we repeatedly take in through our bodies, our attention, our desires, and our thoughts.
Some of the most powerful stimuli or influences include:
- what we consume with our bodies,
- what we expose our senses and minds to,
- what we desire and chase,
- the voices of the community (family, school, work, church, political, social media),
- and what we repeatedly replay in our thoughts.
When the inner self is flooded with loud stimulation but deprived of quiet reflection, it becomes restless and fragile. When it is fed by fear, comparison, or constant noise, it becomes inhospitable.
In such conditions, stillness feels threatening rather than restorative. Silence becomes something to escape rather than inhabit.
When Inner Health Declines, Suffering Multiplies
This is where many people recognize themselves – not as leaders, but as human beings.
Sleeplessness.
Nighttime rumination (the relentless voices in our head replaying the past and worrying about the future).
Replaying conversations and interactions that cannot be changed.
Living regretfully in the past or anxiously in the future.
Buddhist teaching offers a vivid metaphor for this experience, describing how unexamined suffering returns again and again to demand attention. Most of us simply experience it as being unable to rest—even when the day is over.
When this becomes the norm, effectiveness erodes – not because people stop caring, but because they are no longer inhabiting themselves well.
Why This Matters for Every Role We Hold
Whether we are responsible for a family, a classroom, a team, or simply our own integrity, the same truth applies:
Our effectiveness in the world is directly proportional to the health of our inner life.
Public pressure of responsibility (self, home, school, work) does not create inner disorder – it exposes the condition that was already there. And no technique, title, power or training – in and of itself – can substitute for the slow work of inner care.
This is not a call to self-absorption.
It is a call to self-stewardship.
Because what we do not tend to within ourselves will eventually be expressed through our actions, our reactions, and the systems we touch.
An Internal Practice: Tending the Inner Self
Over the next few days, create one small pocket of intentional stillness.
Choose a moment—early morning or evening—when stimulation is low.
Slow your breathing, calm your mind, rest your body and then ask yourself, gently:
- Is my inner life a comfortable place to be?
- Where does it feel open and at ease?
- Where does it feel crowded, noisy, or tense?
Do not try to fix anything yet.
Simply notice.
Then choose one small adjustment you can make today—not to your schedule, but to what you allow into your inner life.
That choice is not about productivity.
It is about care.
And care is where the examined life begins.
Your candid feedback is valued!